This is Distracted Driving

I held my breath as my brother, Denny, opened the back of his SUV. He had told me that it wasn’t as bad as he expected, but still… Suddenly, there it was, the bike that Patrick had owned for most of our marriage. The bike that he rode through all kinds of weather. To work, for exercise, towing a bike trailer to pick up the girls from daycare. So many years. So many miles.

My husband seriously had the body of a Greek god. He was a fanatic about working out. I never noticed a bit of fat on him, not even a beer belly, though he definitely would have earned that. He was a faithful Catholic but working out was his second religion. I know I’m repeating myself but I can’t tell you how ironic it is that he died while working out. Ironic and unfair. And so preventable.

The front half of the bike looks the same to me. Well-worn but definitely Patrick’s. I notice the seat and laugh. No self respecting cyclist would put their rear on that saddle! But Patrick was the anti-cyclist. He didn’t need all of that fancy stuff. Just two wheels, pedals and maybe some gears. In cycling, his ride would be referred to as a “beater bike”. He did occasionally commandeer some of my gear, like the expensive headlight with the external battery that apparently didn’t survive or wasn’t found after the collision.

The rear wheel looks like an accordion. Exactly what you would expect when a car runs into it. I stare at it for a minute and then turn to bury my head in Denny’s shoulder.

There are also three envelopes, all marked with evidence tape. I open the envelope with the phone first. I take it out and it doesn’t look familiar. I’m surprised that it’s unfamiliar and then I see that it says Verizon and I realize it’s not his phone! In the same instance I realize whose phone it is and I quickly stuff it back in the envelope. Hopefully they still have Patrick’s phone. The second envelope is a water bottle. I wondered which bottle he had taken but I never took inventory. I suspected it would be one of mine and it was, a bottle from America’s Most Beautiful Bike Ride at Lake Tahoe. The last envelope was a part of his reflector that didn’t look at all familiar, just a random item you might see on the side of the road.

Denny takes pictures of the bike and sends them to me later. I will add them to this blog after I’ve had a chance to warn people. In one there is an illusion of a normal bike since the tire has retained its shape outside of the twisted wheel. I comment on this to Denny and he says “rubber holds its shape, like a memory of what it should still look like”.

This is the result of distracted driving. It doesn’t matter what the distraction is. When you are distracted enough to run into a person on a bike, or walking down the street, or in another car, the result is the same. The driver did not have alcohol in his system. He clearly had meth in his system but no one really seems to know how much meth is too much. How much meth does it take to make you impaired? According to California there is no clear definition for drug impairment. Personally I don’t think you should drive when you are impaired by any substance. Maybe someday the law will agree.

I firmly believe that meth and other activities interfered with this driver’s sleep and ultimately he fell asleep at the wheel, which is also distracted driving.

So, do me a favor, in memory of Patrick and the countless individuals who lose their lives every year, if you are too drunk, or high, or sleepy to drive, get an Uber or Lyft. Call a friend. Walk home. Do NOT get behind the wheel. And when you do, put your phone down and pay attention to the road. Don’t make someone else experience this.

We are hoping to use the image of his bike to spread awareness about all kinds of distracted driving. Stay tuned.

A Bit More Closure

Today was the final court appearance regarding the collision that caused Patrick’s death. The defendant completed the diversion program with negative drug tests. He did everything that was required, so he was released. We don’t have to like it. We don’t have to agree that it was adequate. I am relieved that it is over. I chose not to attend. I am grateful that my brother Denny and sister Dawan agreed to be there to represent Patrick. I know it was hard for them. I am also grateful that Denny wrote an eloquent letter for the judge. We know it didn’t make a difference but we just wanted it on the record.

I will move forward knowing that I will not be getting any more calls updating me on the case. No matter how much progress I make, those always had a way of pulling me back so it does bring me a measure of peace to put this behind us.

Here is a link to the post about the sentencing hearing that occurred in February.

https://www.danellt9.com/2017/02/16/a-bit-of-closure-2-16-17/

Denny’s Letter

The Honorable Ralph Nunez

Fresno County Superior Court

Judge Nunez,

We understand that today you will decide whether the defendant has successfully completed his sentence of a court-ordered drug diversion program in the case that stemmed from the death of Patrick John teNyenhuis.

As a family, we have mixed feelings of the news that the defendant may be released.

Justice for Patrick has been hard to find in this case, not through any errors of the court, but for the simple and terrible truth that as a society we don’t have an adequate punishment when the selfish act of one person costs another his life.

This was not an accidental death. The defendant made a series of choices and committed a series of deliberate acts that ended Patrick’s life. No punishment for the defendant can change what he has done, or give us back what he took from us.

Our best hope is that if the defendant is released from his treatment today, he never harms another family as he harmed ours.

With that hope in mind, we ask that you read him this letter, and this plea from us.

“You have been given something that you took from Patrick, from his wife, from his children and from his family. You have been given a chance for a better future. A better future for you, a better future for your children, and a better future for anyone else you would harm if you don’t change your life. We ask that you take the lessons you have learned and remake yourself. You owe that to us. You owe that to Patrick. You owe that to your children. Don’t waste this chance.”

Our combined families wish to thank the Fresno County District Attorney, as well as you and the rest of the staff at the Fresno County Superior Court for your assistance and compassion during this sad time for our families.

Thank you,

The teNyenhuis, Prandini and Boyles families.

Aftershock

Last night I was working on adding old blog entries and for some reason I didn’t finish the one I was working on, “Facade”, so I added it tonight. The next one is the post about the arrest and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to move that one over. That part has been buried in my memory and I didn’t see any need to dredge it up. Camille got home last night and I was happy to have both my girls home.

Today we went to see the new Star Wars movie. On the way there I got a phone call from a number that I didn’t recognize but looked familiar. I answered and it was the Assistant DA who handled the case. He wanted to update me. Mr. Stubbs, the man who hit and killed Patrick, has been in a residential program. He has a hearing coming up. He has fully complied with the program and his drug tests have all been negative. More than likely he will be released next week and will be home to spend Christmas with his family.

As a future Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor I am hopeful that treatment works. As a human being I am happy that his children might see their father for Christmas. As a Mom…and a widow…. my heart breaks.

Here’s the thing, nothing is going to bring Patrick back. And I have said all along that the only amends Mr. Stubbs could make would be to be a better person. Locking him up would not have changed anything.

As my whole world has changed, and I have been continuing my education, I’m a different person. I believe there needs to be law and order in society. I believe that Mr. Stubbs made poor choices in his life that led to my husband’s death. But I don’t believe he is a murderer. And I do believe that our society has a serious problem with drug and alcohol addiction. And punishment does not cure addiction.

I have so many conflicting emotions right now. I would love more than anything to just wipe this whole part from my memory. My brother told me today that I was stronger than him and I’m not sure that is true. I just file away all those feelings that I don’t want to deal with. I function pretty well. And I am truly happy most of the time. But you can’t avoid the aftershocks.

I’m allowing myself a few tears tonight. I don’t think I will go to the hearing. My presence will not change anything. I’ve already said what I needed to say. I’m going to focus on my girls, Christmas, and moving forward with my life. I truly hope he has learned something from this and will dedicate his life to doing something positive. But I’m going to follow the advice my brother gave me today, “I wouldn’t give him any more free rent in your head. He’s either going to change or go to jail, we can’t choose.”

A Bit of Closure 2/16/17

This was originally posted on 2/16/17. I am reposting today since the defendant has completed his program. I’ll make a new post about that also. The image is the picture I planned to show the defendant.

Court is over finally. The defendant will spend 316 days in a treatment facility. I will write more about it later. Here are the statements we read. FYI “addressing the defendant” means addressing his back.

Statement read by Denny
Testimony

Your honor, I want to thank you for the opportunity to address the court. I’d like to start by reading a note from Daniel teNyenhuis, Patrick’s brother who cannot be here today. Dan is a retired United States Marine who still works to keep our nation safe. While we are in court for the sentencing of the man who caused his brother’s death, Dan is at work defending us.

These are Dan’s words –
“Patrick John teNyenhuis was my first friend and will always be my friend. I knew Pat before I knew anyone else. I spent my formative years with him. He significantly contributed to my personality and character. I owe much of my success to his influence. Yes, Patrick John teNyenhuis did live a blessed live. Pat deserved every blessing he received, including his three girls, Danell, Sierra, and Camille. Pat earned his other blessings through hard work and dedication, including his career as an expert Physical Therapist where he routinely helped others in need. Patrick John teNyenhuis was a COMPLETE man in mind, body, and spirit; from his music and career, to his health and physical fitness, to his family and faith. During his life, Patrick John teNyenhuis met people from all walks of life through his profession and his hobbies. Pat could talk with crowds and keep his virtue; he could walk with kings without losing his common touch. The world is a lesser place without the skills, music, and wit of Patrick John teNyenhuis. We all miss him.
–Daniel Joseph teNyenhuis

I can’t do a better job than Dan to describe Pat or the impact his life had on everyone around him.

Before I sit down, though, I want to talk about the impact his death had, and the actions that brought us all here today.
It’s important that everyone in this room understand that we are not here by accident. Recently, following a court appearance, a member of the defendant’s family told us that they were praying for us, but it was an accident. That is a lie.

Pat’s death was not an accident. He died because of the irresponsible, selfish and illegal actions of the defendant.
The defendant chose to buy an illegal drug.
The defendant chose to take that illegal drug. The defendant chose to get behind the wheel of a car and drive while under the influence of that drug and the sleep deprivation that resulted from its use. Whether it was intentional or not, the defendant then hit and killed Patrick. No logical person argues these facts.

Where logic still fails us all is the lack of accountability being shown here, and the total lack of justice.

The defendant will be back with his friends and family within a year, while Patrick is gone forever from our lives.

Neither are things we can change. We have to try and accept them, and choose to honor Pat’s legacy rather than live our lives filled with anger over the unimaginably deep and painful hole he left behind.
We will spend the rest of our lives following Patrick’s examples.

When this legal process started, many of us hoped that the defendant would be accountable for his actions and would take responsibility. As we learned more about his long criminal history, we were forced to give up that hope. On April 20 of last year the Defendant forever changed the lives of our family and his own. The only hope I have left for some positive outcome from this terrible crime, is that it is not too late for everyone in this courtroom to learn from a better example. For that hope I offer the memory of Patrick.
Patrick was a man who loved God and his family. Patrick was a man who worked hard, every day of his life. Patrick was a man who worked for everything he achieved in life and always shared what he had with those in need. Patrick was a man who often worked six days a week to provide a better life for his wife and children. Patrick was a man who had dreams and worked hard to achieve them. Patrick was a man who touched the lives of everyone he met. Patrick was a man who accepted the blame when he made mistakes and did everything he could to do better.
Patrick was a man.

Today I asked the court to do all it can to encourage the defendant to be a man from this day forward. To be a man and accept the terrible results of his crime. To be a man and work hard to change his life, so that this awful scene is not repeated. To be a man and work hard to give his children a better example. To be, a man.
Your honor, I thank you.

My Statement
My name is Danell teNyenhuis. For the last 24 years, I was Patrick’s wife. Our marriage began in 1992 and ended on April 20th, 2016 when you took his life.

I am not a vindictive person. I know very little about you. I know you are a father and I know that you made a series of poor choices that
resulted in Patrick’s death.

There is no punishment that will make up for the loss my daughters and I have suffered due to your choices. Unfortunately, our legal system was unable to find a way to adequately hold you accountable. So, you will do your time and then have the rest of your life ahead of you.

What will you do with the rest of your life?
Let me tell you how Patrick lived his life. He was an amazing husband! We were truly partners in life. He helped with everything including doing the grocery shopping and most of the cooking. He also found time to make me feel special and loved. He made all of my dreams come true. He was a wonderful father to our daughters, Sierra and Camille. His daughters were his pride and joy! When they were infants he would get up with them at night, change their diapers and then bring them to me to nurse. When they began eating solid foods he made all their baby food from scratch. He attended sporting events, helped with science projects and truly enjoyed spending time with them. They are beyond devastated by his loss. In the next year one will graduate from high school and one from college. Someday they will get married and have children and he will miss these important milestones.

Patrick was an excellent physical therapist. I know because he helped me rehabilitate after hip surgery. I also know due to the numerous
patients who have reached out to me since his death. Here is just one of the many stories that have been shared.

In 2009 I had a surgery which resulted in damage to my femoral nerve. Patrick became my physical therapist for an entire year, 3 times per week, as he persisted to try to figure out the best therapy routine and exercise regime to help my femoral nerve
regenerate and function. He did not know if the nerve was severed, crushed, stretched or who knows what, but he was relentless in the challenge to help me be able to use my right leg
again. I developed the greatest respect for him, his physical therapy skills, his tenacity and determination to take on the challenge and master the results successfully for me, as well as for his professional skills and efforts. The therapy was successful because of his training, perseverance and knowledge. I was able to move and functionally use my right leg again. He told me that I was a rehab miracle. The truth is, the miracle was God’s divine intervention transferred through Patrick’s passion for healing, professional skills and caring personality for his clients,
including me. He became not only my therapist but my friend during those sessions.

Patrick was also a devoted son and brother. And he was loved by 22 nieces and nephews and numerous extended family members. He was a good friend to many but was also humble and felt he only had one friend. His funeral service was standing room only.

He was a great provider for his family and he worked overtime most weekends to ensure that he could pay for his daughters to go to
college. He was unselfish and spent very little money on himself.

I could go on and on but I think by now you might be realizing how many people were affected by his death. In my opinion you have been given the gift of a second chance. Will you choose to continue the same path and risk making a poor choice again? My challenge to you is that you learn from this tragedy. Do your time and then change your life. Do
something positive. Make a difference in the world. Share your story as a lesson to others. I am not ready to offer forgiveness. But, if you want to atone for this then make your life matter.
The girls Instagram posts from 4/20/16, which I read in court.

Dina’s Statement

I’m Dina teNyenhuis, Patrick is my brother.

I’m not going to talk about Patrick being senselessly taken away from us because there are no words to describe the grief and anguish and pain it has caused our family. I’m going to talk about “accidents”. What is an accident? I think everyone in this room knows what one is. The problem with accidents is sometimes the ChoicesWeMake are what cause them to happen.

When my students would make poor choices and then claim that the result of their choices “was an accident,” I used this example to explain to them that they can’t hide behind that excuse: If you choose to climb up on a table and start dancing, then you fall off the table and break your arm, or another student’s arm – it was your choice to climb in the table – something you shouldn’t have done in the first place, that led to the “accident”, even if you didn’t intend to fall off.

If we make choices to do certain things or choose a certain type of lifestyle, there are consequences to those choices and to the “accidents” those choices lead to. We put ourselves in positions that can cause negative circumstances or “accidents”. Those are within our control. Our negative choices caused them.

And the case drags on – 8/25/16

I regularly get asked if anything is happening with the case. I have tried not to say a lot because I don’t want to do anything to damage it. Initially I was very wrapped up in it and really hoping for a quick resolution. Now I find that it is very emotionally draining to think about it too much so I just do it a little at a time. The investigation determined that Patrick did nothing wrong. I still have 100% confidence in the Clovis PD and I feel they did a thorough investigation. I have been disappointed that the DA is not moving faster but my understanding is that this is not an easy to prosecute case. I think that we may hear something soon but I have thought that before and it always takes longer than expected. 

I just looked up drug-impaired driving laws and I am not sure if California has no law at all but we definitely don’t have a Zero Tolerance law. I think this will be something to think about when this is all over. 

Since Patrick died I have been very aware of accidents where the driver has some kind of impairment. Just in this short amount of time, paying close attention to this, I have noticed that it seems like arrests and charges happen more quickly when a car hits another car. This makes me feel like cyclist’s lives are not valued the same. I’m sure that there are a lot of factors that come into play but that is just my feeling. 

I think that most of the family has decided that we cannot expect to find peace in the resolution of this case. This is why I choose to celebrate Patrick and I try to think of positive things that might happen as a result of this. For now I think it would be nice to get some type of closure on the case but I am trying not to think about it too much. There are things happening so I know it’s not forgotten. 

Thank you for continuing to love and support my family!