Our beliefs are a combination of our family values, our upbringing, life experience, observation, and even research. Since some of this input happens throughout life, sometimes beliefs change.
In 2016 my world was turned upside down. There was an important election that year and I did not care. I put very little thought into it and based it on my beliefs at the time. I have been a lifelong Republican and party lines have generally matched my beliefs. I have a somewhat closely guarded secret. I voted for Donald Trump. Some of you will cheer this news and tell me there is nothing to be ashamed of. Some of you will be disappointed in me and some might even unfriend me. Honestly, with what I know today, it still would have been a hard decision because I really wasn’t happy with the alternative. And I guess I really thought that Donald Trump would rely on experts to guide policy. I liked the idea of changing politics and I believed that taking a fresh look from a business viewpoint might be just what we needed. I also mistakenly assumed that Donald Trump would be presidential. I am guilty of not considering what kind of person I was voting for.
Eight years earlier I was more involved in the election. I had what I considered a friendly ongoing debate with an African American coworker. He shared his support of Barack Obama and I shared my support of John McCain (full disclosure – I had to google who was running that year so clearly I wasn’t passionate about him). The day after the election I went into work and congratulated him on his candidate winning. I actually felt ok about Obama winning. I thought it was an important milestone for our country and I believed, and still do believe, that Barack Obama is a decent human being. I also looked forward to my party not being blamed for everything wrong in the world.
Now back to 2016. This year is also significant because I started my education as a counselor in September, 2016. Imagine my surprise when I figured out that counseling was a liberal profession?
While becoming a counselor you have to become intimately familiar with your own personal biases. This can be a very difficult process. In my cultural diversity class I was given an assignment to write about my biases. I wasn’t given the option to say I wasn’t biased. I had to reflect on my beliefs and I was not proud of what I saw. I have denied being racist my entire life and I now realized that some of my denials, if not racist, were ignorant and offensive to minorities. Having biracial relatives doesn’t prove I am not racist. Having minority friends does not prove I am not racist. Being kind to minorities does not prove that I am not racist. Accepting the privilege I was born into and not speaking out against racism does make me racist.
One of the most racist things I ever did, I did in the presence of one of my closest friends, Lisa. Lisa is a huge Lakers fan and I have had the opportunity to attend a few Lakers games with her. During one trip we found ourselves looking for parking and ended up in a sketchy neighborhood. I remarked to Lisa that I was glad I was with her (she is 6 feet tall and black). Lisa looked at me like I was crazy and laughed. She said something along the lines of “You think I can protect you because I’m black? I’m scared too!”
I believe Lisa forgave me but I’ve never asked. I’m sure it was one racist act in a long line of racism she has experienced. I feel that I am basically a good person and I think she would agree but that doesn’t excuse my racist behavior.
While completing my assignment on personal biases, I found an interesting essay on White privilege. This article changed my life and I truly mean this. I challenge any white person who follows me to read this article and then ask yourself if it is not true. After reading it I finally understood, I have privileges that I have not earned. I received these privileges simply by being white. I think this concept is so difficult for fellow white people to accept because it changes our whole identity. I used to say that I did not condone slavery and I didn’t understand why blacks felt mistreated when slavery was so far in the past. I was annoyed when police officers were questioned for simply doing their job. I believed that law abiding citizens would never be mistaken for criminals and I believed that most police killings were the result of the victims criminal behavior. I have two nephews in law enforcement. They are good people. I think the majority of law enforcement is good. But that doesn’t excuse the behavior of those who are not.
In my diversity class I also learned about Microaggressions. The attachment gives examples. If you find it hard to acknowledge that you have been racist, maybe you can at least acknowledge that you have been guilty of microaggressions. I’ve included the definition below.
mi·cro·ag·gres·sion/ˌmīkrōəˈɡreSHən/Learn to pronouncenoun
- a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority.”students posed with dry-erase boards documenting their experiences with microaggressions on campus”
- indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group.”they are not subject to daily acts of microaggression”
At the very least, my interaction with my friend Lisa was a microaggression. I’ve also been guilty of this when I’ve said that I can’t be racist because I have black friends and relatives. Another microaggression is saying “All Lives Matter”. This article explains why. Black Lives Matter is a movement that started to bring attention to needless deaths. Changing the first word to fit your cause or beliefs is, in my opinion, a form of cultural misappropriation. Many of you will disagree and I challenge you by giving you comparisons. Would you walk into a cancer fundraiser and try to make it all about heart disease? Would you walk into a funeral and talk about someone you lost? I can’t think of anyone who would do these things because most rational people understand that cancer fundraising organizations are not denying the rights of other organizations that raise funds to fight another disease. And a funeral is the time to celebrate one person’s life.
The events of the last seven days need to be a wake up call to all white Americans. We need to speak up. Watching a cop kneel on George Floyd’s neck until he died was horrific. And, white privilege was on full display in Central Park when Christian Cooper was harassed by a white woman.
When I read the white privilege essay some of my beliefs changed immediately. Over time this experience has caused me to reflect on my beliefs and I am continuing to adjust my beliefs. I don’t consider myself smarter than my fellow whites who do not accept white privilege, I consider myself more informed. In closing I will quote my niece, Shayna Danell Boyles 💕 , who summed this up in a Facebook post,
“Even when it feels like the world has stopped spinning, racism is alive and well. if you’re not doing your part to actively combat racism, you are the problem. if you see an act of racism and passively allow it to happen, you are the problem. if you’re not actively working towards dismantling the system that is TODAY killing people of color, you’re standing directly in the way of progress, and it’s time to move.”