That’s how long Patrick has been gone. Okay, technically it’s 3,155,040 minutes but It was easier to round it down. Either way 3 MILLION conveys the enormity of the loss. On the other hand, if we were together nearly 30 years, he was a part of my life for over 15 MILLION minutes and that’s the important number.
This year has been a little harder for me and I didn’t completely realize it until my friend pointed out the “intense trio of 3 days, his birthday, Easter, and his passing.”
I knew Easter was late this year but I didn’t make the connection that this is the latest it’s been since he died which put it right in the middle of “THE WEEK.” Now that I realize the connection, it makes it a little easier.
For the last two years I have frequently reminded my clients that the pandemic is an added stress. This usually comes up when they are telling me they are having a hard time getting out of a “funk” or they don’t understand why they are so anxious. I feel it is important to recognize when we are under stress. I often hear people say “ I should be able to handle this.” What they mean is “I don’t really have a good reason to be sad or depressed.” I’m here to tell you that A) You don’t need a reason. And B) There may be a reason you haven’t considered.
When I point out a reason someone might be having a difficult time I ask them to give themselves grace. It’s okay to have difficult days. I know April 20th is always going to be hard. I can’t take off work this year because I haven’t accrued time but I made sure my boss knew the significance of the days. And, being a counselor, she made sure to ask me what I need from her. Luckily I have group supervision on Wednesday so I will meet with my boss and 7 other counselors for 2 hours and if I need a little extra love, they’ll be there for me!
I think I’m actually going to be okay. I’ve mentioned previously that I have a friend who is a spiritual medium. I know everyone may not understand or agree with this but it is something that has brought me comfort. And believing that my friend is able to send me messages from Patrick does not diminish my belief in God. I still believe in God and heaven and I believe that it is possible for our loved ones to send us signs after they are gone. And this friend is the one who mentioned the intense trio of 3 days. More on that in a minute.
Yesterday I was briefly put in “Facebook Jail.” I think there may be different levels of jail for Facebook. I was put in jail because my post “went against our community standards on human exploitation.” This decision was reversed a few minutes after I told them they misinterpreted my post and I can no longer see what all of the punishments were but I remember two of them. 1) I could not advertise for 30 days. Um, okay, I wasn’t planning on doing that anyway. And 2) I could not livestream for 30 days (I definitely wouldn’t have been doing that either). I think the last one might have been that I couldn’t request to be added to any groups.
If you didn’t see my post, I will put it at the end of this post. I made the post on Patrick’s birthday and I told a story about the outrageous lighters he ordered days before his death. The lighters shoot flames from an exaggerated male appendage. I was careful not to use the P word but I still got in trouble! I put a picture of the lighters in the comments and mentioned my 18-year-old niece since she was the latest person to find a hidden lighter. Maybe she was the human I was exploiting? Lol
Patrick would have LOVED this story. In fact, I’m fairly certain that the idea that Facebook jail exists might have been enough to get him to create a new account and make it his sole mission to get put in Facebook jail. It saddens me to think of all the entertainment we missed out on!
So, back to the message from my friend. She mentioned that she had a message for me and it’s my understanding that the messages are not always as clear as I would imagine so it sometimes takes a while for her to convey them to me. She’s still working on the whole message but she did tell me that Patrick loved the story and was very happy that his lighters caused problems. This surprises no one!
I guess I should sleep soon. Bruce is out of town tonight so I’m not worried about keeping him awake. Plus, he can sleep through just about anything! Speaking of Bruce, I’m happy to say that I’ve now spent well over a million minutes with him and I’m very grateful for this. He continues to be there for the girls and I. Last week he came with us to spruce up Patrick’s headstone and he ended up in his hands and knees washing it off. I was filled with love as I watched my current husband lovingly clean my late husband’s headstone. I don’t know how I got this lucky twice but I am very grateful. Today will be a little bit easier because he will be by my side. ❤️
Here’s the birthday post:
Happy Birthday in heaven Patrick! ❤️❤️❤️
In honor of his birthday, I have a funny story. Shortly before Patrick died he had bought pipes for Phillip Weathers and Denny Boyles. They were ridiculous looking and one was an actual corn cob pipe! I knew they had arrived but I could never find them. I know they were sitting in boxes on a coffee table and I think the boxes were thrown into recycling during the chaos of that day. I was sad that we never found them but I discovered another surprise while I was looking.
When I pulled up our Amazon order history to confirm we had received the pipes, I saw he had ordered a unique lighter, a little golden man with a very large appendage from which the flame was intended to shoot out! Only Patrick would order something like this! And the shipment hadn’t arrived yet!
The day the box arrived was a difficult day. We had an appointment at the funeral home for a private viewing. Denny drove the girls and I there and I decided I would let him open the box when we got home. He had no idea what to expect but we were all surprised to find not one, but two lighters in the box. We had a good laugh!
We thought about what we would do with the lighters and we decided to share them with each other in the Cranberry Lambic tradition.
Many years ago someone (possibly Dina or Jeff) bought a beer that was called Cranberry Lambic. I’m not a beer drinker and I never tasted it but it is apparently the most foul-tasting beer that exists! Once the first one was drank the purchaser decided they couldn’t finish the rest and decided to “gift” them to others. Over the years the siblings came up with elaborate schemes to sneak the beer to their unsuspecting victims. You might find one in your fridge after guests left. Or maybe it was in the ice chest you carried home after a party. One particularly cruel sibling carefully removed the label and replaced it with a Sierra Nevada label. I believe the rule is that if you start drinking it, you have to finish!
When Patrick died the siblings agreed that it would be fitting to leave a bottle with him to ensure that he was “it”. So now the lighters are passed around and hidden in each other’s houses. Last Friday we had a gathering at Matthew TeNyenhuis’ and Denny mentioned that a lighter might make an appearance. As I left Matt’s house I realized I hadn’t heard if it was left there or not. Apparently Denny carefully opened and resealed a bag of tortilla chips and made sure they were left there. A few days later my 18-year-old niece, Ella TeNyenhuis, had friends over for tacos. So now Ella is it!
I’m so glad that Patrick’s humor has outlasted him! I’ll put a pic of the lighters in the comments!