My Life After Patrick

I remember growing up and hearing about Pearl Harbor, and the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy. I always thought those must have been difficult days but it was hard to really grasp the enormous effect they had on the nation.

I began to understand a bit more the day the Challenger exploded. I was going to school to be a teacher and was really excited that a teacher was going into space. I couldn’t watch the lift-off because I had class and I think I was in class when I heard about it. I left school after that class and went to watch the news with Ruben, my boyfriend at the time. I was sure that the astronauts were in some sort of escape pod and would be pulled safely out of the ocean. I held onto that hope for hours before finally realizing there would be no rescue. I think that may have been the first time that I realized our nation was not as invincible as I thought.

Almost 10 years later I watched in horror as the devastation in Oklahoma City was shown. This was upsetting in a different way as I realized that there were truly evil people in the United States and world. There were other tragedies over the years but I always assumed that my generation, and the ones that followed, would never experience the fear and horror that our parents and grandparents experienced.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, I wasn’t feeling well and was still in bed and planning to call in sick. Then the phone rang and it was my sister Denise calling. She was in tears and told me that two planes had hit the World Trade Center. I turned on the news and Patrick and I watched as the terror unfolded. I felt like the world was falling apart. For a while it seemed like it wouldn’t end as we received word of additional crashes and watched as the towers fell. I spent that day and the next several days waiting for people to be rescued from the rubble. I couldn’t imagine that so many people would be dead.

This was also the first time I realized that when things like this happen, and you have people depending on you, it’s important to hold it together for them. I’m not saying this to brag, it’s just the way life is. I pulled myself together and went to work. I knew that life wasn’t stopping, people would still be calling Aetna, and my team would need to answer calls.

The phones were slower than usual, which was a blessing. At one point I left and bought a small tv for my desk and it was tuned into the news a lot of the time over the next few weeks. We were preparing for Customer Service Week and the City of Fresno was issuing a Proclamation in recognition of that. On the afternoon of September 11th I had a meeting with our HR rep to draft the proclamation. I couldn’t believe she still wanted to meet. I just wanted to pick up my babies and go home to watch the news! We got through it and I left for the daycare center. When I got there it was just like any other day. They knew they couldn’t focus on the terror and it was the right decision but it was very strange to me at the time. Things slowly went back to normal, at least as normal as anything could be. A few weeks later the mayor, Alan Autry, came to Aetna to deliver the proclamation and speak to us. He managed to take the message of customer service and tie it into patriotism. He reminded us that we were all doing our part to keep the country going. He ended by encouraging us to join him in singing God Bless America and it was very inspiring.

September 11th affected me profoundly and the world hasn’t really been the same since then. In those early days we all came together as a country and that made us all stronger. Sometimes it feels like our country will never be united like that again and that makes me sad. I wish that we could all focus on our commonalities instead of differences. You never know when we will need to come together again to get through another tragedy.

I think there have been many things in my life that prepared me for the personal tragedy I was destined to experience. 9/11 taught me that I have inner resources of strength that I didn’t even know existed. I also learned that no matter what, life goes on. People say that I’m strong and many people feel they don’t have that kind of strength. I prefer to think I am determined. Determined to keep moving forward. Determined to show my girls how to move forward. Determined to leave a legacy for Patrick. I will never forget 9/11 and I will never forget Patrick.